Isn't it grand when I neglect this diary for 2+ months and disappear? No. It's rather annoying. For me, anyway. Because then I have to play the catch-up game... when I don't really want to. You can always venture elsewhere to get part of the story. Or jump back in, as is. Everything and nothing changes, usually...
I was such a girl last night because sag-crush-boy wasn't around and I haven't seen him in weeks. It bugs me because, yes, I'm a silly crush girl. That much never changes.
Amusing conversation with a [male] customer at work today:
'did you have a good holiday? was your boyfriend good to you?' he asks.
[I laugh]
'well, if he wasn't good to you, get another one.' he replies.
'no, i just don't have one.' [because, you know, to a man, no girl is complete without a boy. pssh.]
'well, i hope you get a better boy for the new year. with lots of money. and if he doesn't have money, ditch him.'
Gotta love men like that.
And Joel last night... what can I say? That boy still drives me crazy, in the most endearing sense of the word. Perhaps I can coax him out again soon...
Speaking of coaxing out, I had a delicious evening out with the illustrious Mmikers the other night. Couldn't have asked for a better spontaneous trip to Kanata. Especially since everything was CLOSED when we got there. But it just meant more tuneage-time in the car for Saves the Day, &c.
Tuneage: Im in love with The Shins, thanks to Jamie. And a renewed love for the Kinks, thanks to Garry.
'I feel so coldhearted. I feel so self-destructive. I feel so cruel for letting this go so far. I feel like if I have to go through one more day without talking to you, I will choke and die. I feel insulted that I think I have to feel guilty for having made better friends of someone I wasn't supposed to. I feel like miscommunication has reached the tipping point and my entire world is so miscontrued right now that my own body will begin to twist. I feel like I have never missed anyone so much in my life. I feel self-laothing and confused because I don't know if I am giving up values by begging. I feel like I've never resented myself more in my life. I feel so full of hope that maybe you feel the same things too.
Please, if you could, consider this the first reveal. Your turn.'
My turn. Oy vey. You knew why I was hurt all along. This isn't really the place to say much of anything but... you know how i hate disappearing acts. and betrayal. yeah, betrayal. keeping me 'in the dark', as it were, was possibly the worst thing... but whatever. if you want to talk about it, im here. i just get this feeling that you'll just say im overreacting. and maybe i am [im not saying im not]. but maybe i need to overreact because im still completely blown away. still want to vomit when i think about it. yeah. touchy subject. always will be with me. im not trying to attack you or blame you or anything. just... yeah. stating facts, from my side of the fence, my end of the country/his end of the country.
on a lighter note, he has been incredibly grand lately. I don't know why... just is.
End of an excessively long, possibly excessively boring returning entry. Sorry kittens. Back to normalcy, now.
'Everytime she sneezes, I believe it's love...' - Counting Crows
