How the hell do you explain to someone that being gay isn't a choice? Really, that's a figurative question, but answer it if you must. I spent an hour trying to explain things to Mari tonite, and all it got me was frustration. How do you explain love to someone who's never felt it? You're attracted to someone because you're attracted to them. You don't choose to fall for someone. You fall for them because... you love them. Or lust for them, whichever.
I'm supposed to be sleeping. Instead, my insomnia is paying a visit. Lucky for me. I really should stop listening to Weakerthans because it's not helping my emotional state, but... I can't help it. I could care less if I'm happy, I just want my friends to be so. Am I an idiot for that?
Just because I say I don't want a relationship does not mean I don't want human contact. I'm not unlovable. I am, however, easy to fall for and hard to love. I hate the messy feelings of love. Annoying, unrelenting, complicating, hurting feelings of love. Can't I love you without fucking you?
And I wish you'd leave my thoughts so I could get some sleep.
'Try so hard not to remember
What all empty playgrounds know...' - Weakerthans
